Existential Thinker Gifts

'Thank you for pretending you understand Kierkegaard.'

'Who was first?'

"Take some identification with you in case you die."

'Mike! How the heck are you?' - 'The usual, Pete! Spiritually and emotionally empty, my personal life is a shambles, and I'm near-suicidal!

"Well, that's done!"

Man falling through sand timer.

Nothing Good Ahead

The Love Song Of J. Alfred Crew

'It's not that I'm afraid of dying, Doctor... It's just that I don't want to be there when it happens!'

"Sometimes I think, why am I here? What's the point?"

"Godot says, 'Running late, frowny face, winky face.' "

"Look if I have to explain the meaning of existence, then it isn't funny."

"Okay, now what?"

'The Existential Files.'

"Of course there is. Don't forget the drippy thing."

Kafka, Age Ten

The beginning is near.

Extreme Sisyphus

"We've spent out while lives going in circles."

"Think of it as one less thing to worry about."

Life Coach/Death Coach.

'The End is Near' and 'There's No End In Sight.'

"Oh God, I'm almost 30..."

Failure or Disaster

"Can you describe these countless wasted hours that ultimately make up the bulk of your life?"

"If we hurry, you might still make this Sunday's 'Times' obits."

"...I knew we should have turned left at the last off ramp!"

"Your present state is caused by a hypersensitivity to existentialist thought. I'm recommending mega-doses of pragmatism as a therapeutic counteractive."

Two seconds after the moment you reach adulthood.

'Suddenly it was apparent where Jack was headed.'

'Do you ever get that feeling that you're part of some gigantic cosmic jigsaw puzzle.'

No use trying to die with dignity. Death always shows up and spoils everything.

'Don't you want to go somewhere in your life besides in and out?'

"...The FDA just released the pill that would've saved your life!"

Waiting For Godot And The Cable Guy