Mortality Philosopher Gifts

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

Apocalliptical

'This modestly priced model says, 'He always seemed like an okay guy.''

Coming soon, Edwin Blurdge!

G. Reaper started following you.

That's right, this brochure will help you preselect your final shoebox so your kids won't have to.

'I'd like to try some coffins.' - 'Let me show you our standard size.' - 'It feels a bit tight around the waist.' - 'How are you looking to die?' - 'I don't know, really.' - 'I'd recommend a wasting disease.' -

"He spent his entire life trying to discover a way to stop aging. How ironic that he would only realize his dream now."

Grim Reaper Checkout

Travel ban

"Wake up dear - you've got a visitor..."

"What if you go under before I need to?"

Death selfie

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Death coach..."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

"They're very time-sensitive."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."

"I don't think so."

Tom's last day.

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

'Isn't it about time to turn over a new leaf...?'

"I'm at the age where work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work."