Mortality Philosopher Pillows

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

Apocalliptical

'This modestly priced model says, 'He always seemed like an okay guy.''

Coming soon, Edwin Blurdge!

G. Reaper started following you.

'I'd like to try some coffins.' - 'Let me show you our standard size.' - 'It feels a bit tight around the waist.' - 'How are you looking to die?' - 'I don't know, really.' - 'I'd recommend a wasting disease.' -

Grim Reaper Checkout

Travel ban

"Wake up dear - you've got a visitor..."

"What if you go under before I need to?"

Death selfie

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Death coach..."

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

"They're very time-sensitive."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."

"I don't think so."

Tom's last day.

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"Be patient! Weather and homeland are not chosen."

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

'Isn't it about time to turn over a new leaf...?'

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'

"I'm at the age where work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work."