Extinction Philosopher Pillows

'What would I do if I only had one day left to live? That's a good question. Why do you ask?'

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

"Where do you think we are in the food chain right now?"

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

'Good grief! Aren't you guys extinct yet?'

"They're very time-sensitive."

Apocalliptical

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

The end is near.

Quicksands of time

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

Bio-obsolescence

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"I've got pride but no shame."

'We are the last Dodos on the planet, so I've put all of our eggs safely into this basket...'

'It looks like our time is up.'

The Last Mosquito

"Just you wait!"

'Of course, in the long term we'll all be extinct.'

'I'm doomed anyway, so I may as well make the most of it...'

"Well, the way I've heard it, our species once dies out - then humans came along, destroyed the planet - then evolution started all over again and here we are. . ."

God is a spider.

The sudden extinction of prehistoric clowns explained.

"Wait till you hear this one! This little fella is calling himself a mammal and he reckons one day they're going to dominate the Earth!"

Could the extinction of the dinosaurs have been due to a virus?"

Grim Reaper Checkout

"It's from God - a bill for 557 pterodactyls, 76 baby brontosaurs and 28 giant tapirs, payable within 30 days or we'll be extinct."

'You think you're close? Listen Bud, I wrote the book on extinction!'

'This isn't a BREAKTHROUGH, Colbert! This is a CIRCULAR REASONING! All you've done here is re-state our original objective.'

"Here's where all the worries of the world have been seeping into your home."

Hollywood ending.