Executive Environment Satirist Gifts

That's the chairman's office.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Water company bonus.

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'I appreciate recognition...but pats on the head are demeaning.'

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'I was like you once Pearson. Efficient, forward leaning and with a clear strategic vision. Then I made senior management.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

'I want to thank you for your spontaneous and overwhelming support...'

If found, please return to cubicle L-325.

Hand puppet company boss uses puppet to tell employee: 'You're fired!'

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

"I cut down on the clutter around here by firing Henning and Rockman."

"Any questions?" (Company's down the toilet.)

"I've found if I squint my eyes and frown, it looks like I'm concentrating rather than sleeping.".

"I'm Action Plan Man. Good luck finding someone to impliment it."

"Hold the confetti, sir, he's not retiring, you're letting him go."