Executive Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"They say you can't cheat an honest man. I say 'Bull'!"

C.E.O. wearing t-shirt emblazoned with 'I love obscene salaries'.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

"We have an acronym!"

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Water company bonus.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."