Executive Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"They say you can't cheat an honest man. I say 'Bull'!"

C.E.O. wearing t-shirt emblazoned with 'I love obscene salaries'.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

"We have an acronym!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

Water company bonus.

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'