Executive Humor Admirer Gifts

"Gentlemen, when I consider the mess we've made of this company, I can only commend our foresight in not investing any of our own money in it."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

CEO.

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"We got the cactus account!"

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

'Dalrymple came to us from the public sector.'

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'I must be getting old. I remember when I could smell fear clear across the other side of the building.'

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

Mirror Solves Problem of Down Trend in Sales 'Problem solved, J.B.'

"Pardon my glove."

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

I Have A Closed Mind.

"Not bad! ...For a duck."

'He's a Drunk-With-Power drunk...the worst kind!'

"I'm sorry about your divorce, but you can't nest in the storeroom."

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

'I appreciate the grovelling Whitworth, but don't lick my shoes - it ruins the leather!'

'That, sir - that dismissive little hand wave? It's way too Enron.'

'The reason we pay our CFO, Hargrove the big bucks is so we don't have to pay OTHERS the big bucks.'

"I always try to appear on the verge of a stress-induced breakdown. It's part of strong leadership."

"And let's remember that the public's need to know must always be balanced by our need to conceal."

"Mr. Kendall would like to see one of those flashes of oddball humor."

"I'm the greatest CEO with the biggest deals and you know why? Because I have the same felt-tip pens as Donald Trump!"