Executive Humor Fan Gifts

"Not bad! ...For a duck."

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

"It's agreed, then, that we move forward on the philodendron."

"Mr. Kendall would like to see one of those flashes of oddball humor."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Water company bonus.

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

CEO.

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

Personally, I always had a feeling we'd land on our feet.

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"The floor is open for suggestions."

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"We got the cactus account!"

'Look, if we're going to make this business work, we need to stop eating all the stock.'

'I must be getting old. I remember when I could smell fear clear across the other side of the building.'

Mirror Solves Problem of Down Trend in Sales 'Problem solved, J.B.'

'You can't fool all of the people all of the time...not on our advertising budget.'

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"Pardon my glove."