Executive Comedy Fan Gifts

"Catherine, Is there anything I need to be thinking about?"

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Water company bonus.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

CEO.

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

"I'm sending you to Siberia. Your job is remaining here."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

"Can you put more nudity in this?"

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"At the end of the day, Maureen, wake me up."

'He's been with me for a long time... he was my first ulcer.'

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"We got the cactus account!"

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'