Executive Comics Fan Gifts

'What happened to you? I giggled in the board meeting.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

Water company bonus.

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

'This is the latest management structure...It'll help you see where you fit in...'

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

"Profits. Good thing or the greatest thing?"

Body Language Expert - 'You don't like your job do you?'

'You understand, Yomp, it's not me speaking. It's the corporation!'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

"Can't complain- it's against company policy."

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

"Of course I'm making things worse. Do you think I'd work for what you're paying me if I knew how to make things better?"

"Think nothing of it, Llewellyn. In every large organisation there are leeks."

'I solved the union problem. I made everyone management!'

'Come along, Caswell, we have a new slot for you in accounting.'

'I hear they bought out Winken, Blinken and Nod.'

'Work production rose significantly once we closed all the curtains in the windows.'

"Sorry honey, I'll be late. The boss told me to stay."

"What would a competent person do?"

I Have A Closed Mind.

'I want you guys to be aware that a dog-eat-dog environment works for me.'

"Sorry, we have to let you go. You've grown too tall for our cubicles."

'Another corporation I wouldn't have minded so much, but this was a hostile takeover by my secretary!'