Executive Humor Gifts

'C'mon... I just want to hug you!' - 'Arrrrrgh!'

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

'You're nobody until somebody loathes you.'

"If that's all the smug self-congratulations we have for today, we'll move right into our next agenda item: gratuitous glad-handing!"

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

CEO.

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"We got the cactus account!"

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'I must be getting old. I remember when I could smell fear clear across the other side of the building.'

"Pardon my glove."

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"We're making progress."

Mirror Solves Problem of Down Trend in Sales 'Problem solved, J.B.'

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

I Have A Closed Mind.

"Not bad! ...For a duck."

'He's a Drunk-With-Power drunk...the worst kind!'

"I'm sorry about your divorce, but you can't nest in the storeroom."

"I'm under stress, Miss Gibson. Come in and bite my nails."

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'

'I appreciate the grovelling Whitworth, but don't lick my shoes - it ruins the leather!'

'That, sir - that dismissive little hand wave? It's way too Enron.'

'The reason we pay our CFO, Hargrove the big bucks is so we don't have to pay OTHERS the big bucks.'