Executive Humorist Gifts

'I appreciate the grovelling Whitworth, but don't lick my shoes - it ruins the leather!'

Big Decisions Made Here

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"We got the cactus account!"

'Pick up your productivity Arnold!' 'I'm not allowed to lift anything heavy!'

'The reason we pay our CFO, Hargrove the big bucks is so we don't have to pay OTHERS the big bucks.'

"I always try to appear on the verge of a stress-induced breakdown. It's part of strong leadership."

"Is it my fault he guessed the wrong hand?"

'I must be getting old. I remember when I could smell fear clear across the other side of the building.'

'Boy, it really frosts me when they manage to sneak in the last word after I push the button.'

'...and you feel all CEO's have the power to giveth and taketh away?'

'If you cant convince them, confuse them.'

CEO.

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

'He's a Drunk-With-Power drunk...the worst kind!'

"And let's remember that the public's need to know must always be balanced by our need to conceal."

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

"So how are you doing with your community service?"

"It gets lonely at the top so I started a CEO social media site."

"I said MBA not NBA."

Mirror Solves Problem of Down Trend in Sales 'Problem solved, J.B.'

Fat Cat Flap

'Look - I'll get my people to get in touch with your people...'

'Hey, go find your own executive retreat!'

"See? This is why I get the big bucks."

"We're looking for people with the sort of character flaws we can exploit."

'I got to the top the old-fashioned way -- through nepotism.'

"Oh yeah! Well, I'd like to see you run this corporation into the ground as fast as I am!"

"It's a little eccentricity of mine—after I've beaten a man in business, I like to have him stuffed."

"Pardon my glove."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"