Executive Humorists Gifts

"Bob takes too long to make a decision. Let's ask Phil."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Our Board of Directors are really very fickle!'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

CEO.

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

'I appreciate recognition...but pats on the head are demeaning.'

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"We got the cactus account!"

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'I must be getting old. I remember when I could smell fear clear across the other side of the building.'

'I know it's a lot of money but we can't avoid it any longer.'

'Nothing has come to my attention today and I want to know why.'

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

Mirror Solves Problem of Down Trend in Sales 'Problem solved, J.B.'

"You must understand that my total confidence in this plan of yours depends strongly on one's definition of the words 'total' and 'confidence'."