Executive Humorists Gifts

'Sorry to be the one to tell you, Skidmore, but that 10 million dollar bonus we paid you last month was a computer error. We'll expect you back at work on the loading dock early monday morning.'

"Bob takes too long to make a decision. Let's ask Phil."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'Our Board of Directors are really very fickle!'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

CEO.

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

'I appreciate recognition...but pats on the head are demeaning.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"We got the cactus account!"

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'Nothing has come to my attention today and I want to know why.'

'I must be getting old. I remember when I could smell fear clear across the other side of the building.'

'I know it's a lot of money but we can't avoid it any longer.'

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

Mirror Solves Problem of Down Trend in Sales 'Problem solved, J.B.'