Executive Satire Lover Gifts

"I need you to take over while I'm on the road to fuller, thicker hair."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"It lost a little something in translation."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

Miniature Design Shop: Think Small.

Water company bonus.

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'