Executive Irony Enjoyer Gifts

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

Water company bonus.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

That's the chairman's office.

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"We're making progress."

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

I Have A Closed Mind.

"Not bad! ...For a duck."

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'

"I'm sorry about your divorce, but you can't nest in the storeroom."

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

"Make yourself comfortable, Donaldson."

"Mr. Kendall would like to see one of those flashes of oddball humor."

"A fellow human being to see Mr. Driscoll."

"Gentlemen, when I consider the mess we've made of this company, I can only commend our foresight in not investing any of our own money in it."

"They say you can't cheat an honest man. I say 'Bull'!"

'I thought you were ousted as CEO.' 'I was. But with my golden parachute I bought the company. I'm Baaack!'

'I need to snoop around, ask questions, get in touch with my feminine side.'

'Apparently Genwetronix merged with BioSolutions, and neither chairman wanted to leave.'

C.E.O. wearing t-shirt emblazoned with 'I love obscene salaries'.

'Someone accidentally deleted the data you've been inputting. Looks like I'll have to hire you temps full time.'

'You're nobody until somebody loathes you.'

"These are of all my affiliates."