Eternal Pessimist Gifts

Defeatist Marathon.

"Waiter! My glass is half empty."

Half full. Half empty. Undecided.

Things are never as bad as they seem - they're usually much, much worse.

'What do you want to hear first, the bad news or the even worse news?'

"Sorry to report your labs came back positive. There's no reason you can't continue your pessimistic lifestyle, though."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Alright! Whoa! Yes! More boiled food!"

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"The good news is...you've one less window to wash."

'I tried being pessimistic. I was terrible at it.'

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

Infinity Tavern

"You might ask, 'Can two people who love each other find happiness in an era of skyrocketing deficits?' I think they can."

I have to get the Positive Thinker...

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

'When my business turned into a lemon, I made lemonade....but that also failed when nobody liked its taste'

The Death of the Blues

"The pizza came late and it was cold!"

Why Do Old Hippies Smile?

'I've moved from being cautiously optimistic to being optimistically cautious.'