Modern Pessimist Gifts

"If I was you...I wouldn't be worried about the future..."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

Arthur Schopenhauer

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Untold Love Stories. The Shadow and Pollyanna. It's no use, Lamont, you know what evil lurks in the hearts of men and I believe there's good in everybody.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

"A pessimist thinks that we've already arrived."

"I call it the The Power of Positive Pessimism. Knowing full well that most of the things I try almost always end in disaster, yet somehow finding enjoyment in every step of the process. It works for me!"

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"Half Empty. Half Empty. Half Empty-"

"Look on the dark side."

Tom's last day.

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"Die alone"

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

Glass Half Empty and Glass Half Full.

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'Would you say this glass is half empty or half full?'

That's where we're different. I see the toilet bows half-full, and you see the toilet bowl half-empty.

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Must you always be so negative?

'Your glass is half full!'

"If you're thinking of evolving, don't bother."

'Turned out nice again.'