Pessimistic Philosopher Gifts

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

'Too expensive, too long, sounds boring, the jacket is lousy...'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

Arthur Schopenhauer

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Untold Love Stories. The Shadow and Pollyanna. It's no use, Lamont, you know what evil lurks in the hearts of men and I believe there's good in everybody.

Pessimists v Optimists.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

"A pessimist thinks that we've already arrived."

"Half Empty. Half Empty. Half Empty-"

'There, Mr Optimist. Now how full is it?'

"Look on the dark side."

Tom's last day.

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"Everything in your life has gone smoothly. That's a violation of Murphy's law."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

'Some see the glass as half empty, some see it as half full -- I see it as taxable!'

"Die alone"

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'Would you say this glass is half empty or half full?'