Entertainment Critic Gifts

Dolly Parton

A man watching television sees that the Apathy channel has been canceled due to a lack of interest.

"Aaar! I don't even know what I believe in anymore!"

What're you watching on your me-phone? "Batman v Superman" bootleg. That reminds me of the time Adam West caught me and George Reeves smooching in the woods. Adam and I had been over for weeks, but he was still insanely jealous. Adam who and George what? They should outlaw anyone under 40. Anyone seen any woods around here?

'The following program was made possible by canceling an even WORSE program.'

'The following program was made possible by canceling an even WORSE program.'

Wacko Jacko Heart Attacko No Comebacko.

Charlie Chaplin

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

"Don't be long, Dear, you don't want to miss Celebrity Hari Kari on TV."

The Ultimate Reality TV

A new TV format: "The day after the funniest home videos".

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Kritik's Korner

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

The americanisation of vulture.

If humans instead of dinosaurs had lived when the big asteroid hit.

Armageddon

'What does it say, Dad?'

Can't Touch This

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

A cross section of the brain shows what a man thinks about.

"Sir, a bunch of bald-headed, castrated humanoids wearing Nikes just materialised with their luggage back there."

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."