Entertainment Critics Gifts

It's well done, but I find it hard to stay interested since they cut down to just 13 episodes per season.

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Kritik's Korner

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

The americanisation of vulture.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'What does it say, Dad?'

Armageddon

A cross section of the brain shows what a man thinks about.

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Can't Touch This

If humans instead of dinosaurs had lived when the big asteroid hit.

Giant Monster in Bath

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Sir, a bunch of bald-headed, castrated humanoids wearing Nikes just materialised with their luggage back there."

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

Can't Touch This

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Nick Cave

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

Christmas TV...

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

Snow White and her Seven people.

Thinker, but not too deep: 'I wonder what's on TV tonight?'