Emergency Medicine Gifts

'It's out new method for determining who we should treat first. We take people in order of how loud they scream.'

line of life

"If our ambulance hadn't hit you, you might be waiting ten or fifteen minutes for another one."

Emergency room notice - 'Wait hours, or go home'

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

"Get me some help. Quickly. When I touched him our static electricity zapped his pace maker."

"I'd love to chat longer, but I've got to get this guy to a hospital."

"Hello, A and E, which department do you need, stabbing, shooting or general GBH?"

'Your son is fine, but tell him to stay away from the milk.'

Casualty Crash Team.

'Stre-e-e-e-tch-her?'

Advertisements for 'Brother Marsh- faith healer and Deacon 'Speed' Alton- emergency room'.

'You don't have time for a second opinion, Mr. Garvey. We've got to cut to the chase!'

'How's my son? He swallowed 50p?'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

A paramedic-in-training's nightmares.

The Sting Operation

"I swear, he's just doing this to annoy me."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

First aid in mountains

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Teddy bear being taken to hospital.

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

In case of overcrowding in the ER break glass.

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

Things Mothers don't want to hear from their five year olds...

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

"Let me through - I'm a bonsai tree surgeon."