Emergency Care Gifts

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'Here's a copy of our new triage plan...the order is now walking wounded first, the dying and dead second, lawyers last...'

'I admire your persistence doctor. But face it. You've lost this patient.'

With the victim of the bar fight badly in need of blood, a quick-thinking doctor ran an IV line from the plasma screen TV.

Doctor in Iraq - 'I got fed-up with the violence in A&E.'

First aid in mountains

"Clear!"

"Last question, and how would you rate the ambulance response time to today's accident?"

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Doctor Flattened By The ER Rush

"It was touch and go for a while, but he's out of the woods now!"

'Doctor, doctor, healthcare in emergency!'

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

Victim of overzealous Heimlich Maneuver!

"He fought like hell."

"Or perhaps Heimlich himself."

First aid for a choking victim

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Frontline health workers

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

Decontamination

Things Mothers don't want to hear from their five year olds...

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

"Let me through - I'm a bonsai tree surgeon."

Boston Marathon: The First Responders.

'Is it urgent?'

'Where does it hurt?'