Emergency Gifts

"Just two more outfits. . .Then I'll jump."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

First aid in mountains

Emergency Phone.

'I'm on my way!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

Frontline health workers

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

Prepper Dog

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

Boston Marathon: The First Responders.

Decontamination

Things Mothers don't want to hear from their five year olds...

'I'd say you're a little late...'

"Let me through - I'm a bonsai tree surgeon."

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

'Is it urgent?'

'Relax. This is only a test.'

'It was an exciting party, especially when the firemen came to put out the fire!'

'Should I call the auto club of the coast guard?'

'Sorry, shortage of staff.'

Policeman giving paramedics a fine.

Tsunami Evac Route

"My God, now what?"

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

'I keep them around for unruly octopi, or giant radioactive spiders... you know, just in case.'