Emergency Humor Gifts

Save the bacon,

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'What's for desert?'

Jelly I.V.

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

'Hold it RIGHT there, buster! Nobody leaves the floor before signing out first!'

"When they said they were bringing in students I thought they meant MEDICAL students."

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

"While you're at it, could you give him some pizzazz?"

Some people have their own methods of dealing with a shortage of nurses

"Well done Carson! This could be the answer to our bed shortage problems!"

'She's seen a man wandering round in his underpants!'

Once entangled, clashing male doctors usually die a slow death by starvation.

'I think this fishing injury is more serious than you're letting on!'

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

Heart Transplant.

"Bad news Honey the hospital downsized me"