Emergency Service Humor Gifts

Moderately Quick Sand

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Oh we're fine, my husbands just learning to cook during the quarantine."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"I don't leave home without it!"

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'Snap out of it.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'What's for desert?'

Jelly I.V.

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

"When they said they were bringing in students I thought they meant MEDICAL students."

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"