Emergency Service Humor Gifts

Moderately Quick Sand

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Oh we're fine, my husbands just learning to cook during the quarantine."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"I don't leave home without it!"

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'Snap out of it.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

"I didn't say he's dying from choking. I said he's killing us with his joking."

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'What's for desert?'

Jelly I.V.

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

'Hold it RIGHT there, buster! Nobody leaves the floor before signing out first!'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

"When they said they were bringing in students I thought they meant MEDICAL students."