Emergency Humor Enthusiast Gifts

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

Emergency Marketer

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

Ask A Silly Question.

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Tsunami Evac Route

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

"My God, now what?"

Internet Shoplifting

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

'Oh - It's you.'

'Kitchen! Chicken Bone! Hurry!!' - Rent-A-Surgeon

'I'm a doctor... This man needs someone who can grant me immunity from liability, and FAST!'

"I've got a pulse!"

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

Spam.

"We ran into a marathon."

This summer, Mother Nature goes nuts.

Slug Romance

'Just this once sir, we need the overtime.'

"Whoa...not so fast! First of all please tell me your address, your health insurance number, and spell your name for me, Mr. HelpI'mBleedingToDeath."

Amateur Spam.

A man walks three dogs at gunpoint

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'

A bowls player bowling a bomb

Save the bacon,

Man with mobile phone says: 'I can't call for help, I'm filming this for the TV news.'

'You'd better clear out some rooms, nurse. He jumped off a bridge, and all his friends are behind him.'