Emergency Irony Enthusiast Gifts

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

Squirrel chopping wooden leg of lumberjack.

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

"No internet connection"

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'You were the last person I expected to fall down on the job, Trubshaw.'

How many trees were cut down to get the paper necessary to print your book?

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

"Hi! It's me...I've gone off the rails"

'Try rebooting.'

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

Emergency Marketer

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

'Don't you think you may have overdone it with the layoffS?'

"Now that my new bikini arrived, I am ready for global warming."

"It's time we have a little chat."

The buck stops here briefly, then goes on its merry way

'Sir, we're a real team! None of us knows how to do things right!'

"Now that I've denied your balance transfer and credit-limit increase, is there anything else I can help you with?"

Staff care...DOH style!

Scandal about listening on Facebook

'You say here you're eager to 'push the envelope.' Great! We'll place you in the mail room.'

Manual automation in the office.

'Williams, you're giving us only sixty hours of productivity in your forty hour work week...'