Emergency Humorist Gifts

"I tried 911. They're only accepting the seventh caller."

Man raised flag of drowning women.

"Sorry we're late. We forgot to turn on the siren."

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

"Police, ambulance or fire brigade?"

Paramedics saving caught fish

Fire Service Emergency Equipment

"Okay wait, it just came in. I guess he did text for help."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"WHich one is mine?"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

Downloading Pregnancy

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."