Emergency Humorists Gifts

'Emergency - put me through to the yoga club immediately!'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Surgeon to other: 'First organ transplant?'

'The good news is it's curable, the bad news is you can't afford it.'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"Visiting hours are over, Mrs. Glenborn."

Nurse playing darts with syringes.

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

"You car pool guys will be going down together for x-rays."

Hospitalized intellectuals are ill-literates.

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

Ask me about Naming Rights.

'Have I been waiting long? Well, I guess so. I was forty three years old when I came in.'

Save the bacon,

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"My friend's in long-term hospital care. Got any Get Rich Quick cards?"

'Someone call 9-1-1!!!'

'We're fresh out of miracles. Want to see a card trick?'

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"