Humorists Who Appreciate Emergency Room Antics Gifts

Emergency

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

The GPC has written to ministers about how children can be more involved with the NHS

'Snap out of it.'

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

Big slipper.

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'