Medical Emergency Gifts

"I'm afraid the shark got your arms and legs. It's probably not a good time, but your brother's here. He needs a kidney."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

Ambulance outside house at night

'Our neighbor Bill is in the hospital so the community is hosting a fundraiser so everyone can contribute a little extra to pay his medical expenses.'

"Is there anyone else we can notify besides you dog?"

"It's appendicitis, madam. No need, at this point, to pull the plug."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

First aid in mountains

'I'm on my way!'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

Frontline health workers

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

Decontamination

Things Mothers don't want to hear from their five year olds...

'I'd say you're a little late...'

'I've decided I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up.'

Boston Marathon: The First Responders.

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

"Let me through - I'm a bonsai tree surgeon."

'Is it urgent?'

'It was an exciting party, especially when the firemen came to put out the fire!'

Policeman giving paramedics a fine.

'Should I call the auto club of the coast guard?'

'Sorry, shortage of staff.'

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

Helicopter

Wards / Mortuary