Medical Crisis Gifts

"Will he ever be able to produce revenue again?"

'I've had severe pains in the wallet-bearing area of my chest.'

Deaths from Coronavirus

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Time for your pills.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

Infected Macron

'I'm having my colon checked.'

'You're going to have to give up painting ceilings, Michelangelo !'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

"Aways the victim."

"He detects disease."

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

Celebration in operating theatre.

Healthy Eating Casualties

'Thanks for leaving that sponge in me, Doc. Now I can drink twice as much wine.'

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

Wards / Mortuary

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

"...and the good news is Mr Watkins, your keyhole surgery was a complete success"

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"