Emergency Medical Technicians Gifts

Paramedics flipping a coin to choose a patient.

I Am The True Hero of 9/11

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Well, well, well...'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Cat Scan

"I'm afraid your Apple goggles aren't compatible with your X brain implant."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Teddy bear being taken to hospital.

"Darn it, lost another swab."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

In case of overcrowding in the ER break glass.

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

"Oh, I don't do the test myself Sir: Doctor Vampire does it..."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'Oh great, these guys again! The big guy can't fit inside the MRI scanner, sheet boy falls right through it, and The Count's images never develop...'

'Where does it hurt?'

'Where does it hurt?'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'Your test results are in, and you're FULL of surprises!'

Policeman giving paramedics a fine.

"Sorry, it will have to be fire, police or ambulance. Superman is busy right now."

'For my family, Christmas and New Year's Eve is the busiest time... my husband is a spirits dealer and my son is an emergency doctor!'

Paramedics.

'In a pig's eye, you say!'

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

'I had the heaters installed since you complained about my cold hands last time.'

'Gee... Nothing says 'I'm dead' like a severed head.'

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

A paramedic-in-training's nightmares.