Email Conqueror Gifts

'Good morning. You have twelve million terabyte unread e-mails.'

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

Office Olympics.

E-mail

Rage.

Second lifeReal life.

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

'These new video games are getting out of hand...'

'Hand over the last one now kid or you're getting my fist for Christmas!'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"I finally got myself organized and unsubscribed from all those-e-mails."

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

"That's the Ommbudsman."

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

'Now that everybody can talk, I keep worrying about what people will say.'

"I reached Level Three of Super Mario Brothers!"

"Erik does most of his plundering online these days"

'I finally got rid of all my junk mail.' - 'You have no new messages.' - 'On reflection, I miss the false sense of popularity.'

"Yes! I defeated the invading forces! I am master and commander... I am a warlord!"

Phone Signal Problems: "Can you hear me now?"

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

"So many FANTASTIC applicants, where do we start!"

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Park? I'm stuck. Dr. Noodle. I'm paralyzed. I'm not making any progress. Honestly, I'm lost in the trees. I've lost sight of my goals. My health units are low. Units? Unseen enemies are everywhere. I can't sleep. I'm not eating. You're not making sense. Who am I kidding? You're right. The truth? Fine, I admit it. I can't get past level 5!!! I don't do video game counseling. If my mom loved me more, I'd be able to find more ammo.

Computer Gamers.

"I ran out of answers before she ran out of questions."

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

'I don't like to be critical, but that's only because you don't take criticism well.'

'Here's a twist. Before you go on your quest, an insurance salesman tries to sell you life insurance. If you buy a lot you can date prettier girls.'

Hunter shooting @ symbols.

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

'And you honey, how was your day at the PlayStation?'

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'