Complaint Conqueror Gifts

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

'Our product flooded the market...before backing up in a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"There, there, now! Perhaps I didn't give it a fair trial."

'I guess Hopkins is due for a transfer!'

World of P.C.'s Customer Call Centre

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

"If I receive one more complaint today, I'll go ga-ga"

'Smoking or whining?'

"Who do I complain to about your complaint department?"

"That's the Ommbudsman."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

In, Out, Complain.

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

Complaints departement for men and women.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

Moanathon.

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

"At least it's not as busy as last night!"

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

Wine, Whine. Unwind.

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

'How long do I have to sit like this? My neck is stiff, my arms ache. I've got pins and needles...'