Complaint Connoisseurs Gifts

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

"There's a grouch on my couch."

"I can't wait to complain about the heat again."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

In, Out, Complain.

Complaints departement for men and women.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

"That's the Ommbudsman."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

"He's a mental-health critic."

Moanathon.

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Airline concerns.

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

Wine, Whine. Unwind.

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"It's my new theory of human evolution. Survival of the Whiniest."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"Just eat your alphabet soup Harold."

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

'Oh, the irony! Just guess who gave me the welfare check I bought this sign with!'

'How long do I have to sit like this? My neck is stiff, my arms ache. I've got pins and needles...'

"I think I speak for all of us."