Customer Complaints Enthusiast Gifts

"Why do companies put you on hold and then play that awful, garbled recorded music...?"

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

In, Out, Complain.

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

Complaints departement for men and women.

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

Moanathon.

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

Airline concerns.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'