Customer Complaint Crusader Gifts

'Welcome to hell, this is your customer service. Your questions and wishes will be ignored and you've got to listen to my squeaky cartoon voice for ever.'

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

Complaints Desk

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

"That's the Ommbudsman."

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Airline concerns.

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"There's a grouch on my couch."

Turn that noise down !

"Just eat your alphabet soup Harold."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"I think I speak for all of us."

"We audit at dawn."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

"Invasion of privacy? You should be flattered we're so concerned about satisfying your consumer desires!"

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

'Me' Weekly

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"It's been a great year except for me not getting any respect for my personal 'dressing for comfort' choice."

"I'm sick of that bloody racket next door...!!"

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

"'C-minus'? -- I'd like to speak to your supervisor!"

"Want to bitch for one more lap?"