Customer Satisfaction Crusader Gifts

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Self esteem clinic - Go ahead, take a number. You deserve it.

Never Apologize for Being Yourself

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."

"Invasion of privacy? You should be flattered we're so concerned about satisfying your consumer desires!"

"It's been a great year except for me not getting any respect for my personal 'dressing for comfort' choice."

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

'About this 50% error rate of yours, Billington . . .'

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

"You'll notice that I was born in 1968—a very prestigious year."

"Roger ALWAYS puts out customers FIRST!"

"People are sick of 'automated' systems, they want to talk to real people..."

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

"I am Baldonator, the meanest fighter around! No one dares mess with me."

The meek shall inherit the earth

'If you want to praise our company, you're talking to Tommy Smith. If you want to complain, you're talking to Krfrzrk Mnkfplmkrz.'

'Went straight to the top a week after 'Customer Care' started.'

'The customer is King'

"The algorithm we're using to identify our 'ideal' customer still needs a bit of work."

'It turned out our customers cared about our customer care policy and they've all gone somewhere else!'

"I can't see the POINT of all this emphasis on 'customer care'!"

"Doug here monitors any subtle changes in the ergonomics."

To get customer service please scream loudly 'Dear God is there no one there, what do I have to do to get serviced...I'm going to take my money somewhere else...'

Precisely when did you first start feeling invisible in meetings?

My thighs touch because they in love

Ashley the Approval Seeker

"The main difference is that if you mail it first class. . . we actually deliver it!"

"Our goal is your complete satisfaction. But we'll settle for your money."