Customer Satisfaction Chasers Gifts

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

'Shouldn't you be somewhere clawing yourself to the top, or something?'

Shopping Torture

Yep, you get to a certain age and you just want to fly south for the winter.

Hotel teddy for hire

"She clawed her way to the top."

Final clearance sale.

'Through dieting I lost some weight ... I also lost my reason for living!'

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

Mountaineers milk.

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'

"She only comes in to try out the heated seats."

"How do we improve our image with customers?"

'If you want to praise our company, you're talking to Tommy Smith. If you want to complain, you're talking to Krfrzrk Mnkfplmkrz.'

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

BadNewsBlues it is

"1-800 Herd of Elephants."

Friendly bank/Formal bank.

"People are sick of 'automated' systems, they want to talk to real people..."

'The customer is King'

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether or not money can buy happiness."

"The algorithm we're using to identify our 'ideal' customer still needs a bit of work."

"The main difference is that if you mail it first class. . . we actually deliver it!"

To get customer service please scream loudly 'Dear God is there no one there, what do I have to do to get serviced...I'm going to take my money somewhere else...'

Bill struggled for years trying to make a name for himself in the city.

"I can't see the POINT of all this emphasis on 'customer care'!"

'It turned out our customers cared about our customer care policy and they've all gone somewhere else!'