Complaining Connoisseur Gifts

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

'Molly here would like your immediate apology for the substandard service and wilty lettuce on her BLT!'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

In, Out, Complain.

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"My kid could do that."

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

Sculptor's chippings

Complaints departement for men and women.

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

'He's sending it back....again! I swear this guy can't get no satisfaction.'

Moanathon.

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

Airline concerns.

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'