Frustrated Connoisseur Gifts

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

Broken since March

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"True, it's an authorized biography, but we'd do better by marketing it as unauthorized."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

Desktop Print Hell: '...an eternity of different printers and no windows driver...'

Joke traffic signs.

Sock Without Partners Sock Hop

'This box usually yields one or two sensible suggestions,four or five stupid ideas,ten to twenty immoral suggestions and several hundred candy wrappers.'

Twisted Peel has a bout of road rage.

Kanye West

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

"Their entire friendship is based on regret over property they SHOULD have bought when it was affordable."

'I have no idea what you are saying.'