Bad News Connoisseur Gifts

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

'What do you want to hear first, the bad news or the even worse news?'

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

Fear of news.

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

Why used clothing should be declared a dangerous weapon...

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"True, it's an authorized biography, but we'd do better by marketing it as unauthorized."

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

Sock Without Partners Sock Hop

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'This box usually yields one or two sensible suggestions,four or five stupid ideas,ten to twenty immoral suggestions and several hundred candy wrappers.'

Kanye West

Desert - Steep Hill sign.

Yeah, last words are like snappy comeback --- You always think of the best ones after it's too late!

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

Whining about mask wearing

Gauntlet Cards, Respond at Your Own Risk

The elephant in the room.

'My dog ate my powerpoint presentation!'

Tiptoeing around voltometers.

Djokovic Judged

'Molly here would like your immediate apology for the substandard service and wilty lettuce on her BLT!'