Bad Cover Connoisseur Gifts

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

Mrs Sutherland and her American Hairless Terrier.

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"So, it's decided, the party will be on the tenth and BYO drinks as usual..."

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

Why used clothing should be declared a dangerous weapon...

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"True, it's an authorized biography, but we'd do better by marketing it as unauthorized."

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

'This box usually yields one or two sensible suggestions,four or five stupid ideas,ten to twenty immoral suggestions and several hundred candy wrappers.'

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

Gauntlet Cards, Respond at Your Own Risk

'You know, this is the second bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

Whining about mask wearing

The elephant in the room.

'My dog ate my powerpoint presentation!'

"Quit judging me."

"I am haunted by the idea that the basic axioms on which the arithmetic is based may invalidate these computations."

Djokovic Judged

Tiptoeing around voltometers.

'Molly here would like your immediate apology for the substandard service and wilty lettuce on her BLT!'

"Mr. Billings isn't avaliable now. Would you like to speak to his apologist?"

'Customers aren't paying us because our ads claim that our siding will pay for itself!'

Hillary Clinton being interviewed.