Bad Smell Connoisseur Gifts

Why used clothing should be declared a dangerous weapon...

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

Totalitarian Humour

"A horse by any other mane would small as sweat."

Cheese Secret

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

"I used to write page-turners, but my MFA cured me of that."

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

"What pheromone are you using?"

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

"This must be the Campaign Trail."

'This box usually yields one or two sensible suggestions,four or five stupid ideas,ten to twenty immoral suggestions and several hundred candy wrappers.'

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

Burt's love of garlic was making him most unpopular with the other patients.

'I'm told they even eat our arthritic knuckles.'

"Absolutely perfect! How did you know?"

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

Yeah, last words are like snappy comeback --- You always think of the best ones after it's too late!

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

Whining about mask wearing

'My dog ate my powerpoint presentation!'

I've started so I'll finish...

One Scent Sale!

Esso stand at a perfume counter.

I don't think we're ever going to get rid of that coffee smell.

"First of all, my client has said sorry."

"I wouldn't say you embarrassed yourself. It was more like social self-immolation."