Bad Idea Connoisseur Gifts

'This box usually yields one or two sensible suggestions,four or five stupid ideas,ten to twenty immoral suggestions and several hundred candy wrappers.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

Why used clothing should be declared a dangerous weapon...

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Rare Exceptions: The Straw that became a massage therapist dedicated to treating chronic back pain in camels...

"True, it's an authorized biography, but we'd do better by marketing it as unauthorized."

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

Joke traffic signs.

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

"I wrote my essay specifically so that Hollywood could easily make a blockbuster out of it!"

'I have no idea what you are saying.'