Bad Idea Connoisseur T-Shirts

'This box usually yields one or two sensible suggestions,four or five stupid ideas,ten to twenty immoral suggestions and several hundred candy wrappers.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

'Hey! Have you heard the awful news?!'

Why used clothing should be declared a dangerous weapon...

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

"True, it's an authorized biography, but we'd do better by marketing it as unauthorized."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

Rare Exceptions: The Straw that became a massage therapist dedicated to treating chronic back pain in camels...

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

Joke traffic signs.

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

Kanye West

"I wrote my essay specifically so that Hollywood could easily make a blockbuster out of it!"

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

'I have no idea what you are saying.'