Economy Class Survivalist Gifts

'Sometimes I worry that my kids are to pampered, so this summer I wanted them to experience life as those less fortunate than us live it...It's positively the last time I ever fly economy!'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

Desert island dweller sinks in sand.

'McWit Plumbing and Lite Puff Pastries.' The only way to survive in today's economy it's good to diversify.'

"Here, we realized it was not some awful fever dream."

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

"Back to school can bring on the summertime blues."

Drawing on an island.

"Dow-Jones Index...Dow-Jones Index..."

'Am I glad to be back - austerity's gone mad out there!'

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

Economic casualties.

"There seems to be a difference of opinion as to how to implement the co-operative learning program!"

"I wish school was more like TV."

"I see you didn't purchase ANY leg room"

The Hard Drive Ate My Homework.

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

'It's called sustainable living. He can survive for days out here.'

"Second grade is tough, little brother. It's the year teachers no longer believe your dog ate your homework."

'We could use a little sales magic.'