Driving Humor Fan Gifts

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

'And here's the toolkit.'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'Congratulations. You've passed.'

"This one contains our tailgating deterrent feature."

'Told you so.'

Speed Checked By Radar.

Installing one of the new 'Buck Bridges' reduced Bob's auto insurance by 21%.

'It's my prostate.'

"I've caught you not stopping at a red light."

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

Sat Nag

Old Testament - Methuselah has a car accident

Woman's car has sticker on the back saying 'How's My Wife's Driving'.

"Must you go 'beep beep beep' every time you back up?"

"Check your mirrors. Signal before pulling into traffic. And watch that lead foot!"

"Could we try parking again please, Mr. Zog?"

'Not so hard on the braking, Mrs. Buggins!'

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

'I'm sorry, ma'am, but the Cash for Clunkers program is good only for vehicles...'

"It's nothing serious...just a flooded engine."

'When you get your permit, you get to sit over here in the driver's seat.'

'When do I learn to elude the cops?'

I take it back - He's not writing a text and driving, he's illustrating a text and driving.

'Hey -- Watch it with the tailgating'

I thought "E" meant enough.

Man driving in tree to wife: 'I think we're lost.'

"We'll be there soon, dear. Your dad will only be pushing us until gas prices go down...which will be in the fall.."

Right lane ends 500 feet. . .Cheer up - it begins again 3 miles.

Let's stop at the next exit. We may need an antacid, if I read the sign correctly."

How's my Reaction Time? Call 1-800-OLDTIMER.

'This new headset is great. I can eat and drink while I drive.'

DAVE'S GARAGE, 'Sorry, pal, but we found a typo in your warranty.'