Driving Comedy Fan Gifts

'When do I learn to elude the cops?'

"I need to tinkle."

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

'Doctor, your road rage patient is here.'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'Yeah, truck makers are going vertical instead of horizontal with the extended cabs now. It's the latest trend...'

'Congratulations. You've passed.'

"This one contains our tailgating deterrent feature."

"I know there are people who look like their pets, but..."

'Told you so.'

No U-turns

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Speed Checked By Radar.

"I've caught you not stopping at a red light."

Traffic sign: Right lane ends - Merge into oncoming traffic.

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

Woman's car has sticker on the back saying 'How's My Wife's Driving'.

Old Testament - Methuselah has a car accident

'Surely you can't book me for laughing, officer'

'Until 1989 I never had an accident...then I bought a car.'

Sat Nag

"Must you go 'beep beep beep' every time you back up?"

'Not so hard on the braking, Mrs. Buggins!'

"Check your mirrors. Signal before pulling into traffic. And watch that lead foot!"

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

'When you get your permit, you get to sit over here in the driver's seat.'

"Wow! I didn't think we were going to make it through that gap!"

'Turning Left' lights on front of car.

"We'll be there soon, dear. Your dad will only be pushing us until gas prices go down...which will be in the fall.."

'Hey -- Watch it with the tailgating'