Driving Comedy Fan Gifts

'When do I learn to elude the cops?'

"I need to tinkle."

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

'Doctor, your road rage patient is here.'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'Yeah, truck makers are going vertical instead of horizontal with the extended cabs now. It's the latest trend...'

'Congratulations. You've passed.'

"This one contains our tailgating deterrent feature."

"I know there are people who look like their pets, but..."

'Told you so.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

No U-turns

Speed Checked By Radar.

"I've caught you not stopping at a red light."

Traffic sign: Right lane ends - Merge into oncoming traffic.

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

'Until 1989 I never had an accident...then I bought a car.'

Sat Nag

Woman's car has sticker on the back saying 'How's My Wife's Driving'.

"Check your mirrors. Signal before pulling into traffic. And watch that lead foot!"

Old Testament - Methuselah has a car accident

'Surely you can't book me for laughing, officer'

'Not so hard on the braking, Mrs. Buggins!'

"Must you go 'beep beep beep' every time you back up?"

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

'I'm sorry, ma'am, but the Cash for Clunkers program is good only for vehicles...'

'When you get your permit, you get to sit over here in the driver's seat.'

"It's nothing serious...just a flooded engine."

'Turning Left' lights on front of car.

"We'll be there soon, dear. Your dad will only be pushing us until gas prices go down...which will be in the fall.."

I take it back - He's not writing a text and driving, he's illustrating a text and driving.

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.